How to Bathe a Gannet

So your gannet colony stinks of ammonia, guano, and a bit like fish, well what did you expect, they are gannets. Thousands crowding together. Eliminating. If your gannets are befouling the place and you wish to change their objectionable odor, your best route to success is via a good luxurious scented bath, into which a new fragrance might be introduced. Your task may feel a Herculean one for they do enjoy their own smell, it’s their signature scent, and if you know anybody who has a signature scent, you know they can be quite resistant to change. Ascertain if your gannets are determined to smell like a birdy pile of pee soaked herring or if they are amenable to a modernizing update. Inform the gannets one must not become too attached to a signature scent at risk of becoming predictable or seeming out of date when the fashion moves on. Woody, spicy, or musky notes apprehended in fall as a warm olfactory delight might prove far too overpowering for spring when one wants a lighter touch of floral, citrus, or vanilla strawberry. Also, what may be pleasing on one gannet colony may seem very different when worn by another. Try a variety of options such as notes of musk, rose, bergamot, ylang ylang, or jasmine, and watch closely to determine if the gannets react positively or with skepticism. Look deep into their eyes.

Once you find your gannet colony’s new signature scent, plan to incorporate it into your gannets’ bath in as many ways as you can. Aim for the vibe of a pleasing luxury spa experience. Scent is very closely attached to memory so the more pleasurable your gannets find the proceedings the easier it will be to persuade them to make a change in their choice of parfum.

Assemble your products. You need not stick to one brand, but can branch out as long as your selections incorporate the same signature notes as each other. Indeed you may broaden the richness of a strawberry or vanilla scent by adding other scents to it, as long as the strawberry or vanilla or whatever you’ve chosen is always present. Bath salts, oils, and bubbles are the usual items one might find in a fine bathing experience, but do experiment. Provide an element of drama by including a fizzy bath bomb your gannets can dive for. They enjoy diving and might appreciate that.

A bathtub caddy placed across the tub is always a delightful addition to any fine bathing experience. Perhaps place a bowl of potpourri on it or a delightful treat. A gannet will mostly want fish. It can eat fish all day. Do not give your gannets fish as the scent of fish will be incompatible with your goal. Perhaps your gannets might enjoy a nice hot cup of tea or relaxing glass of wine instead? This depends upon the time of day. While it is always evening somewhere, a discerning gannet will not want wine before noon at the earliest. Check the time and ask them which beverage they would prefer and in the case of wine, do choose one that goes well with fowl. Perhaps a Sauvignon Blanc or Chardonnay, or if your birds prefer red, try a nice light Pinot Noir. No stemmed wine glasses at all costs! The gannet is notoriously clumsy with stemware.

You may wish to set the mood with appropriate lighting. Scented candles carefully chosen in a complimentary note to your gannet colony’s new signature scent could be placed nearby. Not too nearby! A gannet has a six and a half foot wingspan and is unaccustomed to flames of any kind, so do avoid scorched wingtips and place your candles thoughtfully. Cooked gannet has been described as smelling like rotting leather or fishy beef so if you do not wish the risk of an even worse smelling gannet colony, perhaps eschew the candles altogether and try a nice sprayable air freshener instead. Safety first!

Finally, bathe your gannets often. You want your colony to become accustomed to their new scent and perhaps even an entirely new lifestyle of pleasing hygiene perfumed by a delightful and much more acceptable bouquet.