The rune carvers thought in pairs. They had a whole pronoun classification for the two that are also one, so it is no surprise to find pairs in the Rune Poem, matched thematically: the… More
Tag Archives: Instruction Manual
How to Navigate by the Sun
I do not advise navigating by the sun. It’s a mathematical mess with all parts in motion, the sun, the sea, you. Pure chaos. If you must get in a boat, stick to the coastline where… More
How to Play the Game
You don’t just play this game. It’s fun, yes, everybody battling peacefully united, but this is more than that and deadly serious. Focus. If you want to win you have to … More
How to Make Poison
You’ve murdered before. Good. Now you’ll want to refine your technique and go for a killing more subtle, more elegant. Undoubtedly your next move should be poison. It… More
The dark obscures everything and restricting one’s travel to only daylight hours can be limiting depending on latitude and season. To travel by night successfully How to Eat a Birch Tree
You don’t choose to eat a birch tree, this is not food, but it is food adjacent. A birch tree is close enough to being food that at the end of winter when you are out of everything and… More
How to Calculate a New Year
To calculate a new year or any other kind of newness, you must have some idea of oldness too. New is not new unless there’s an old. This truth requires a sense of a trajectory between… More
How to Change the World
How to change the world? Invent something, something important. Look at the stirrup: a metal rounded triangle you can attach to a saddle as a place to put your feet. Very simple, basic,… More
How to Stab Somebody with an Icicle
You want to stab somebody with an icicle. Good. It’s best when the murder weapon disappears. Here’s the plan:
Acquisition of Murder Weapon
If you are harvesting from … More
How to Listen to a Horse
Publius Cornelius Tacitus
Ingaevones Territory
Year 98 of the New Calendar
Gnaeus Julius Agricola
Governor, Britannia, ret.
Dearest Father in Law,
How are you, I am fine. Julia sends… More
How to Listen Beforehand
You ok? You look a mess. Well, you knew this meltdown was coming. We all did. There were signals and patterns and that was a massive red flag back there, but no. Some people don’t… More
How to Hold it Together
You look happy on the outside but I can still see you coming apart. It’s your whole vibe: you’ve got no zip, zero, nada, and look at you. Loved by your family, yes some of them… More
How to Go Overboard
You’ve booked passage on the ship sailing farthest, doesn’t matter where. Good. Take to the sea. Three miles out and it’s a free for all, no rules, pirate radio … More
How to Survive a Tornado
The light outside has turned green, hail is falling everywhere, and the tornado is upon you. Literally. Oferheah over head. Surviving a tornado can be a simple thing if you plan ahead… More
How to be Happy
You are miserable, exiled in wretchedness. Why can’t you shake your anxieties? You are lacking in prosperity, that’s why. Your troubles are nothing a little abundance… More
How to Skip Town
It’s time to go. It is past time. If you need to get out of here yesterday you’d better do it with an eye on the future, that knife blade of a now you balance on will cut and run,… More
How to Banish Family
You can cut just about anybody out of your life. You already have, cut them dead. You’ve filled graveyards of disconnections. Good.
Regrettably you have always felt you cannot… More
How to Summon an Angel
Good luck summoning an Angel because you will need it. You’ll need good timing as well because the two of you, or however many, speak entirely different languages from each other.… More
How to Burn the Cotton Library
Collect every medieval manuscript you can get your hands on, the best ones, the really beautiful and important ones. Make a who’s who of the famed and the fabulous and gather … More
How to make a Torch
Find a pine tree, a nice sticky one full of resin, that stuff will burn in rain. Look for dead branches, go for one near the base of the tree and cut it off as close to the trunk as possible.… More
How to Burn it All Down
You want to burn it all down, even the unburnable. Good. To burn it all down you’ll need a focus. Find out what it is that’s really pissing you off most, bring that bitterest… More
How to Make Ink
Ingredients (alphabetical order):
Cloth (warp + weft): strains.
Ferrus Sulfate (iron + sulfuric acid): darkens.
Gum Arabic (acacia tree + patience): thickens, adheres.
Hammer… More
How to Bathe a Gannet
So your gannet colony stinks of ammonia, guano, and a bit like fish, well what did you expect, they are gannets. Thousands crowding together. Eliminating. If your gannets are befouling… More
How to Measure a Mile
First you must gather your materials. You will need an an iron plow and a field, but not a square one. Long and skinny. And a pair of oxen yoked together. Try to find oxen who like each other… More
First of all shush! X≠Y≠Z: How to Punch a Tree
X: The sun’s going down.
Y: Wait, how do I run?
X: Control W, no hold it down.
Z: Don’t lose my stuff.
Y: How would I lose your stuff? Wait, I’m stuck. Where am I? Is this… More
How To Declare War
Congratulations! You are going to war. You might be feeling rather heated at the moment and may be experiencing an urgent desire to get on with the war proper, but first you must declare… More
How to Grab a Thorn
Don’t. What the hell are you thinking? Don’t grab the thorn. Why would you want to grab a thorn? Why? Are you insane? This is insane. I feel insane thinking about it. Ascertain… More
How to Look Joyful
Look at yourself in a mirror or other reflective surface such as shiny metal or a pond. Be careful with ponds, you could fall in or get stuck there staring at yourself forever, wasting… More
How to go Extinct
First of all, in many ways you are doing a fine job on your own and you must be commended for that. For example your most recent pandemic is proving quite exemplary, but is alas, overcomable.… More
How to Milk a Beaver
Congratulations! You have found a lucrative way to maintain your luxury lifestyle well into the future! If you wish to augment your capital, the perfume industry will pay excessively… More
How to Dig my Grave
Source a location. Ask yourself, why are you digging my grave? Have you recently murdered me or have I died of natural causes? If murder, you must source both a grave site and a hiding … More
How to Die
First, you must find a reason not to live. There exists uncountable reasons but you must choose at least one and try to make it as ineffable as possible so the people you leave behind may… More
How to Move a Cow
Get acquainted with the cow. Make friends. This is a collaboration, not a battle, so you must find a way to join forces despite the cow’s opinion of you. Ascertain the cow’s… More
