Tag Archives: Salman Rushdie

How to Go Overboard

You’ve booked passage on the ship sailing farthest, doesn’t matter where. Good. Take to the sea. Three miles out and it’s a free for all, no rules, pirate radio laws. Why go? You’ve pissed off your god, that’s why go. When your deity tells you to do and you don’t do: you’re done. Fly and hope they don’t follow. Thing is, you may not have done your math properly. Did you not think that your particular god is one of both land and sea? This one doesn’t have to follow. They’re already there. They’re everywhere, and now they’re raising up a storm. A big one. This ship is about to be wrecked. Plus, your boat is overloaded and you are looking a lot like unnecessary ballast. Last hired first fired and look at what’s going on now, the people are rolling the dice to figure out who’s got to go and it’s you.

Can you … More

How to Summon an Angel

Good luck summoning an Angel because you will need it. You’ll need good timing as well because the two of you, or however many, speak entirely different languages from each other. You speak duration and they speak phenomenal flux, making them directionless, which is your next problem.

Angels have all the foresight of a toddler who has just learned to walk. The newly mobile have no planning skills. They don’t care what’s in their futures, this is not their concern. They just want to put something new into their mouths. Angels are like that too. I don’t know if they put things into their mouths or even have mouths, but what they do have is no future and no past, and though they lack these essentials and ought be pitied for it, they do have everything else which must be some consolation.

To overcome an angel’s lack of temporal trajectory, you must shift your concept … More

How to Burn it All Down

You want to burn it all down, even the unburnable. Good. To burn it all down you’ll need a focus. Find out what it is that’s really pissing you off most, bring that bitterest pill right to your face and choke it down. Really feel the effect, lean into it. Let it spread through your chilly veins. Let bitterness be your new flavor, but don’t let it linger. You can’t linger about being bitter or sour or salty about something and still think you can accomplish a proper burning down, you have to spice it up with some heat, pica rico, get a good burn going, make it hurt.

Now, smolder right on past indignant, consume outraged and offended into ashes, and get to steaming. Irritated and irate are nothing now, you want livid. You want fury. You want fuming. Are you are fuming? Properly inflamed? Ugly angry? Ugly angry. That’s the look … More